waiting on the Lord...............

Searching4sibling Blog entry July 23 2011

I guess it's time to give this search over to the Lord - nothing is going anywhere. The searcher we hired is not doing anything or responding to my messages or emails.

If I ponder about finding my birth brother too long I feel frustrated and hopeless, it consumes my thoughts and wears me down.

I still yearn to know him - to see his face -to hug him – I would like to know about his family – is he married, does he have children? Are his Mom & Dad still living? Does he have siblings? And so on, and so on!

Thanks to my Mom & Dad we now have a new deck with a large pergola and a hexagon area for a table and chairs. I have several planters hanging on the 6” handrails and they are blooming so beautiful. We’ve planted a couple more pine trees on the back bank which already has a Colorado blue spruce, Deodar Cedar Tree, Coulter pine, oak, maple and cottonwood trees – it’s so beautiful especially when there is a graceful breeze in the air!

I’m busy with my garden right now which I just love! We have corn, tomatoes, tomatillos, green beans, several kinds of peppers, watermelon, cantaloupe, pickling cucumbers, salad cucumbers, potatoes, carrots and much more. I have a very large garden so I can really have fun! I also have lots of sunflowers and many other beautiful varieties.

Guinea Keets

We also just received 15 little Guinea keets – they are a gardener’s best friend because they eat ALL bugs so we can have an organic garden with no pesticides. They are also really interesting birds; they are good for eggs as well as meat too.

Guinea Fowl

Another thing we are doing is raising chickens for meat – this is new to me as I was not raised on a farm. We have been raising chickens for eggs though and selling them as well. We do have a friend who is actually going to do the “deed” as I am not ready to do that part just yet – one step at a time! In a couple of weeks we are going to add 4 turkeys to our farm.

Nubien

Alpine

In the future we are thinking about getting a couple of goats to keep the weeds down as well as for milk. Nubian for milk and Alpine because my folks had them and they are super friendly!

We also are planning to visit elderly folks and share Jesus with them – I love to cook/bake so I could bring something old-fashioned and tasty and Mark is really good at teaching God’s Word – Please pray for us that the Lord will bless our visits and mostly bring more people into the Kingdom of God!

Well, I guess I have lots to keep me busy so I'll try my best to put my search in God's Hands!

Search is generating nothing - I'm feeling depressed

Well, we hired a gal last December to find my birth brother but so far no real news. By February 1st she had only just sent out letters to 103 men born on his birthday ----but come to find out - they were NOT just born IN Colorado - but the whole darn USA!!!  - UGH! I'll bet there are 1000's of men born on that day - afterall there are only 365 days in a year and only 2 sexes - do the math - it's crazy! And....... most of the letters came back undeliverable.

Now you can see why I am depressed - I know I should leave it at the foot of the cross - I know I should just trust the Lord in this matter but I am having trouble - my humanness is getting the best of me - wanting to know my birth brother is getting the best of me – forking out $500 for the search is making me feel like a fool because it seems that things are not sounding as “great” as they did a few months ago when I thought we hired someone who said

“I have conducted thousands of searches” 

But why did letters get sent to only a SMIDGIN of men who share my birth brother’s birthday for Pete’s sake? I just can’t believe it – seems like a nightmare!  

She also said

 “I am not here to take advantage of you!” 

But I don’t know if I believe that – she is the professional not me – yet….. I have to provide the list of men who where born in Colorado on his birthday – what is the $500 for??? My husband just wants to give her the list and see if she’ll step up to the plate and find my brother I hope he is right! I hope she doesn’t scam us and just leave us in the smoke.

I am still going to hope, even through my depressed feelings – ultimately my hope is in the Lord and if He wants me to find him – in the end I will