Search is generating nothing - I'm feeling depressed

Well, we hired a gal last December to find my birth brother but so far no real news. By February 1st she had only just sent out letters to 103 men born on his birthday ----but come to find out - they were NOT just born IN Colorado - but the whole darn USA!!!  - UGH! I'll bet there are 1000's of men born on that day - afterall there are only 365 days in a year and only 2 sexes - do the math - it's crazy! And....... most of the letters came back undeliverable.

Now you can see why I am depressed - I know I should leave it at the foot of the cross - I know I should just trust the Lord in this matter but I am having trouble - my humanness is getting the best of me - wanting to know my birth brother is getting the best of me – forking out $500 for the search is making me feel like a fool because it seems that things are not sounding as “great” as they did a few months ago when I thought we hired someone who said

“I have conducted thousands of searches” 

But why did letters get sent to only a SMIDGIN of men who share my birth brother’s birthday for Pete’s sake? I just can’t believe it – seems like a nightmare!  

She also said

 “I am not here to take advantage of you!” 

But I don’t know if I believe that – she is the professional not me – yet….. I have to provide the list of men who where born in Colorado on his birthday – what is the $500 for??? My husband just wants to give her the list and see if she’ll step up to the plate and find my brother I hope he is right! I hope she doesn’t scam us and just leave us in the smoke.

I am still going to hope, even through my depressed feelings – ultimately my hope is in the Lord and if He wants me to find him – in the end I will 

new info - pics of my birth father and I

I was contacted by a woman who found my information on the www. She turned out to be my cousin! She was actually raised her uncle (my birthfather) when she was 10yrs. old She is really sweet and mailed me off a cute handmade card to welcome me into the family!

She emailed me a picture of my birthfather - Charles Monroe Clay Jr. on  March 19, 2010 - it was the first time I set eyes on him in my life – I was born November 21, 1955 - what a shock and relief at the same time.

He resides in Tulsa, OK with his wife. I also have to half-brothers - twins no less! - Mike & Mark - they were both in the Army and both went to Barbers School and have a shop together. I have not contacted them yet, but I would like to. I guess the fear of rejection is what’s keeping me from just picking up the phone and calling.

I’m praying about it and my husband’s going to help me – so keep me in your prayers and feel free to post if you have advice or suggestions.

Thanks! Susie

Charles Monroe Clay Jr.

Susie Pedersen
aka Cheryl Ann Clay

  

I look a lot like my birthmother too but wow - 

I can definitely see a resemblance - I mean look at that mean wave LOL!

ISO-sibling-born-October-20-1953I am searching for my brother born in Denver, CO. 10-20-1953. I have been searching ever since I found out that I had a sibling. I found out I was adopted when I was sixteen but was too uncomfortable to search, besides I had no idea how to go about it.I was watching Oprah Winfrey back in 1985 and it inspired me to get started. My neighbor Sandy was there to help and support me.I wrote to the Crittenton Home in Phoenix to get my non-ID and in it I saw that I had an older brother.

My search was pretty involved but I finally located my birthmother. At first she denied me but later phoned to tell me that indeed I am her child. We corresponded over the next few months and planned a trip to meet. We met pretty much in the middle -- the beautiful Grand Canyon!

We drove our trucks & campers to South Rim where we stayed at Mather Campground off Hwy 64 we stayed about a week. Back in those days it was really beautiful! We had a great time, we cooked together and she taught me the right way to fry potatoes J we toasted marshmallows over the campfire and shared memories of our lives. Her husband couldn’t stop staring at me! I finally got so uncomfortable I asked him why he was staring – and Bob said, “you look just like Dottie 30 years ago!” We all laughed and of course I turned tomato red LOL One night when we were preparing our supper I asked her who my birthfather was and she told me. If only I would have asked more questions – especially about my brother. I was so nervous though; I am surprised I was able to ask anything. Well, we had an emotional heartfelt week, but hurtfully went our separate ways. She was just too uncomfortable to keep in close contact, so we wrote letters now and then and made an occasional phone call. She said to me "it liked to have killed me to give you up" she was very sweet and loving but I think she just couldn't get past the guilt of letting us go. I tried every which way to help her get past it, but it was her battle and nothing I said could magically make the pain or guilt go away.

I tried to ask more about my brother but she wouldn’t tell me anymore, she was so afraid either I or my brother would tell her family out us – no one knew about either of us. Our birthmother passed away February 26th 2003; frantically I looked up her only sibling – her sister Phyllis. She was totally shocked and so upset over her sisters passing. We just sat on the phone and wept, it was hard for either one of us to speak. Phyllis was her power of attorney so she had checked her mail. That is how she first discovered that her sister had 2 children that she had put up for adoption. I had written only 3 weeks after my birthmother passed, the strange thing is that we hadn’t written each other in years because she was writing less and less and I felt rejected, and I just didn’t want to burden her. Well, Phyllis requested that I mail her my birth certificate and adoption papers just to be sure I wasn’t scamming her. After she knew the truth she was much more comfortable. Her husband Ken wanted to meet me too but passed away September 2007. I called my Aunt Phyllis and we spoke a long time back in April – in fact I called her on her birthday but had no idea it was her birthday!!! She had no info about us kids, she said her sister never told her anything about the men she was seeing.

Anyway I would love to meet my brother and get to know him. I am going to try to write a letter to Troy Dunn but I am sure he receives a trillion requests so we’ll see what happens.

If anyone has any suggestion or ideas about how I can go about it Please let me know – searchingsusie@gmail.com

This is my search website:Susie's Search

Thanks and God Bless all of you,
Susie